What's going on with Jennifer?

A review of Jennifer's Body. I'm not jealous of Megan Fox, I assure you. She's weird looking.


Jennifer’s Body is awful, unsurprisingly. And lack of surprise is why. With a dull, stretched, predictable plot and a handful of underage totty for a cast, it’s actually more entertaining than it should be. The problem is, if it was as entertaining as it should be, you would prefer to gauge your own eyes out.

The basic story goes as follows: nerdy girl and popular girl are best friends. And when I say popular girl, I mean queen jezebel of floozy town herself, Megan Fox. The small town girls go to a bar, which then burns down, killing the people inside, except for the two girls and the band. Megan Fox aka Jennifer then disappears with the band, leaving geeky Needy (yes, that is her name) to walk home alone. Soon after, strange things begin to happen, due to Jennifer’s newly acquired desire for blood. As boys begin to disappear, Needy decides to take action before her boyfriend, Chip, is attacked.

The gore isn’t big enough to make the film a great cheesy horror in the style of Sam Raimi, and not well written enough to make you care about what’s going on, in the style of George A Romero. It’s basically yet another excuse for Megan Fox (now 23) to play a skimpily dressed high school cheerleader. Unfortunately for Jennifer’s Body, you can get pretty girls in cheerleader outfits for free at home, you just Google for them.

You won’t be shocked or surprised at the ending, but if you read this and then proceed to watch it, you deserve to have to wait until the end to find out what happens. Sellout did it so you don’t have to.